It’s National Ice Cream Day Wheeee!
Go here for an Ice Cream Personality Evaluation
It’s a new poat!
EDIT: I found Brooklyn when I hit Page Down in Google Images. You’re welcome!
[EDIT/UPDATE]–MJ–Not Surprised
Hello, partakers of Friday and Big Boobs. You know what’s better than two-mints-in-one? Me either, but a reasonable facsimile is BBF – yay!
I had to do some homework, research really, because it’s important that all this stuff meshes together. And really quite frankly, I can type anything in here that I want knowing that you’ll never really read it. Except maybe hotspur; that fucker is always looking to bust on typos and grammer and wahtnot.
A little music to set the mood for today’s beauty, you go click and enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Var4AQWRL2o
Her bra size is said to be 102ZZZ, and each of her breasts weigh around 56 pounds. Her stage name is a word-play on the phrase “enormous tits”. Please give a one-handed welcome to our Big Brown Beefy Big Boob Friday model, Annie Hawkins-Turner, better known by the pseudonym Norma Stitz!
Hands on your pencils, people, it’s time for some learnin’:
Please put that soiled sock in the hamper when you’re done.
Happy Friday.
Good morning anarchy enthusiasts. Embrace the hate of a government shutdown. Feel the hate and let it flow through you. I know I have, and it feels just…capital.
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If you haven’t seen or watched the wonderful new series on Showtime, Ray Donovan, I highly recommend that you check it out. I’ll give you a brief overview of the second episode: A young movie star is caught texting a video of himself with a tranny to heretofore referenced tranny. The tranny then attempts to extort money based on the fact that the young movie star hasn’t been outed as gay, and has a big summer block buster coming out. You may think the movie star has the most to lose, but he’s doesn’t. It’s the film’s producer.
Ray is a fixer. He gets the call about what’s going down, and starts to put a plan in motion. He meets the tranny, who only wants the money to complete the reassignment. Think whatever you will about this, but in Hollywoood this is seen as a noble reason for extortion. He then puts the movie star in rehab, destroys the hard drives and phones that contain the video, and pays a visit to the producer. The producer is a real POS, who has not been kind to a woman that they mutually know. And by mutually know, I mean they’ve both payed winkie doodle with her.
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Ray then demands $1M from the movie producer and starts to pay off the various players. He gives the tranny the money for the surgery too, which was a bit unexpected. Again, this is the ‘right thing to do’ in Hollywood even though the extortion set off a chain of events that were unsavory. He also pockets a considerable sum, and goes about dealing with his family that is falling apart. John Voight plays his father, and has recently been released from prison. He holds a grudge against Ray, and believes that Ray set him up for a long stretch in prison 20 years ago. There’s considerable tension as Ray’s father tried to integrate himself back into the family for either love or revenge. The viewer never really knows which. In one interesting scene, he explains to his grandson that when in prison, ‘a mouth is a mouth,’ which also references the fact that the movie start has been with a girl/boy and is the name of the episode. Clever.
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The point of this rambling 400 word review of a series that no one will probably watch is that it’s got a little something for everyone (Liev Shriver is easy on the eyes for the ladies, and there’s always boobs in it for the guys) and includes interesting lessons from an objectivist point of view. Each character is exclusively following their self interest , although the world they live in is completely devoid of the moral underpinnings that must accompany the social construction for objectivism to be successful.
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No one posts on Tuesdays so I figured this might be kind of interesting before we devolve into talking about gardening/working out/chickens/your mom/my height.
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UPDATE: I had meant to start the video at 5:45, which is one of my favorite movie quotes of all time: You see, in this world there’s two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig.
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If life hands you a loaded gun. Use it.
Update – costume idea for emmjay:
Greetings, Monday fans. After deciding awhile back to rejoin the ranks of the fatassed, Pupster’s starting his diet today after a hefty carb-up to ensure a high weigh-in. Clever. Except that now he has to lose weight again, and every time you do that is harder than the last time and your pancreas/liver/fat cells cooperate less and less as you get older and it’s a strain on your heart and generally makes you tired and cold and more miserable to be around than a raging pre-menstrual feminist with daddy issues and a trust fund.
But we should all wish him luck and then shame his dumb ass so he doesn’t ever become a megasuperfatty fatbody again. Because we love him and want him to live to see his grandkids (and shoes) someday.
Seriously, I tease because I care. And because I’ve read some studies that show that shaming actually works for this sort of thing. And because fat poor guys are desperate to buy Pupster’s pants from the Salvation Army store, and Pupster’s stubborn recidivist fattyness is preventing them from enjoying his fashion mistakes.
Okay, that’s probably enough of a pep talk. Let’s snatch.
When I lost all the weight, I actually felt so light on my feet that I was practically levitating.
And there’s nothing quite like not having to bend over to see your balls.
Flexibility improves a lot too.
And even the dumbest outfits looked a little less awkward.
Girls were suddenly more apt to smile at me.
Yep, pretty awesome to look down and not see a big belly.
To be fair, most people who lose weight gain it back, but that’s because they lack discipline, dedication, and character.
But that’s not our good friend in Ohio, nope. He’s made of tougher stuff. Surely this has all been a long-term, diabolical ploy to set himself up to win a prize.
(Eva is a prize)
Assuming that’s the case, I applaud the tenacity and force of will needed to sacrifice health, looks, and overall well-being in the interest of winning a contest for meager material gains.
Well played, sir, and best of luck in the months ahead. I’m sure it will all be worth it in the end and you won’t suffer permanent damage, disfigurement, or depression due to your yo-yoing.
The rest of you, get going. Monday’s waiting, and you’ve only got one chance to get it right.
(Too harsh? Your mom thought it was when I whispered it into her sweat-filled ear, but then I poated it anyhow)
First time, anyhow. Then again in ’99, and one last time in ’08.
No exposition this week. Not feeling it. Pictures!
Tired.
Camo enthusiast.
Cindy’s my kind of gal. Probably not yours.
This week’s poat is not racist. Thanks, Asian girl.
Yoga… in yoga pants. Novel concept.
She’s probably more your speed than Cindy, huh?
What’s she looking at?
Her bottoms don’t seem super functional, but I’m not complaining.
I like that her toenails are done.
Happy Monday, folks. Don’t let it whup ya.
Palate Cleanser:
Happy Halloween!!
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Saturday is the last day to Sign Up for Secret Santa – click on pic of Santa on upper right side of the blog, or this pic below to get signed up.
You’ll be sorry if you don’t.
After scanning the list of ‘Top 100 Cover Songs of All Time,’ I’m actually inclined to agree with Wiser, but not Wiserbud on his fundamental theory. There are many songs on this list that actually started the careers of the band, ended them, but more often than not, raised a big ‘ol ‘meh,’ from me. He isn’t right, isn’t wrong, but is mostly pickled. Yeah, the Postal Service’s cover of the Phil Collins classic ‘Against All Odds’ was soooo…..soooo…..soooo…..confusing.
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I realize that this topic has led to the slaughter of thousands of innocents, the extinction of the polar bear, the destruction of the rain forests, and forced lauraw to spend entire nights balled up in a corner, rocking back and forth. Fortunately no one could understand what Andy was talking about, so his contribution to the debate has always been met with a polite nod and smile that often greets a barely understandable elder statesman.
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What else should we talk about? Recipes? Wanna hear about my recent workout challenges? What about leon’s descend into the realm of the completely nuts? Yeah, that’s what I thought we’d do too. Happy Thursday, Splitters.
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IMPORTANT UPDATE: THIS IS THE LATEST COVER OF VICE MAGAZINE. MJ loves VICE.
Don’t be this girl
If at all possible, be this girl. And call me.
Looks like a 20# anklet. Neat.
Smith machines suck for basically everything, even as dance partners.
Oh dear heaven do I miss warm days.
I remember when I got shot out of a cannon.
She’s cute, but I suspect aftermarket accessories.
If this smile doesn’t brighten your day, you are probably going to have a bad day.
Yoga is weird.
Monday is here, and it’s ready to play. Are you?
Hi mates! You made it. It’s Friday, which means time to work all weekend. Thanks Licorice Dick!
I wrote this song way back in 1982. I was backstage with The Gap Band and Charlie Wilson looked at me and said, ‘Damn, son. It’s like you just dropped a bomb on me.’ I told him that the cowboy look was still cool, that he just needed to add a few more rhinestones to his outfit, and that he didn’t look gay at all. The rest is herstory.
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I can’t remember if today’s model has been posted, and neither can any of you, so lets give a huge gooey hand to Satinee (pronounced sah-TEEN) Capona!!!! She sports two 34G watt light bulbs and has only recently learned to suck in her gut and face the camera properly. I love the newbies (future hostage). So fresh and clean.
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Man, those are some bigguns. I’m not really sure what you’d do with ‘em. It’s not like you plow the field, unless you had a gentleman’s sausage roughly the size of Andy’s bald head. It would just get lost in there.
Anywho, it’s time for the test! Please arrange yourselves according to your resemblance of Floyd’s balls.
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238 – Roman subjects in Africa revolt against Maximinus Thrax and elect Gordian I as emperor.
1799 – Napoleon Bonaparte captures Jaffa in Palestine and his troops proceed to kill more than 2,000 Albanian captives.
1850 – Senator Daniel Webster gives his “Seventh of March” speech endorsing the Compromise of 1850 in order to prevent a possible civil war.
1862 – American Civil War: Union forces defeat Confederate troops at the Pea Ridge in northwestern Arkansas.
1876 – Alexander Graham Bell is granted a patent for an invention he calls the telephone.
1912 – Roald Amundsen announces that his expedition had reached the South Pole on December 14, 1911.
1914 – Prince William of Wied arrives in Albania to begin his reign.
1950 – Cold War: The Soviet Union issues a statement denying that Klaus Fuchs served as a Soviet spy.
1965 – Bloody Sunday: A group of 600 civil rights marchers are forcefully broken up in Selma, Alabama.
1985 – The song “We Are the World” receives its international release.
2007 – The British House of Commons votes to make the upper chamber, the House of Lords, 100% erected.
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Let me take a moment to tell you about the things that can fork right the fork off:
1. People who drive below the speed limit in the left lane.
2. Anyone with a hyphenated name.
3. People with plastic surgery–but lie about it.
4. The TSA.
5. Your mom.
Just wanted you guys to see this nifty plate that Teresa in Fort Worth sent me. Scott and I were befuddled at first until we read the little card that came with this carton. Then we looked closer at the item we were holding in our hands and laughed our butts off.
Yes, that is a squadron of flying monkeys terrorizing the denizens of tranquil Blue Willow Township. Made by Calamityware, a kickstarter project that seems to have made its nut. There are other designs too; robot invasions and such. Hilarious!
Thanks Teresa!! My mom still has a lot of her blue willow plates. I’m going to find an excuse to serve something to her on this one and see if she notices, heh.
Well, Roamy’s been a bit preoccupied, what with Mr. RFH’s fender bender earlier this week, so you ladies are stuck with this old lady’s version of Hunky Hunks…
The original 007, Sean Connery – still got it:
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The man, the legend, the moustache, Sam Elliott – still got it:
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Remington Steele, James Bond #5, and all-around hunk Pierce Brosnan – yep, still got it:
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Still married to “Mindy” – Mark Harmon (hubba, hubba):
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I could get lost in those blue, blue eyes – James Bond #6, Daniel Craig:
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Vintage hunk Cary Grant – had it ’til the day he died:
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And finally, a hometown favorite – and hopefully the next President of the United States – fellow Texas Aggie Rick Perry (with First Dog Baxter):
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Just ‘cuz they’re old, don’t mean they aren’t still good!
Have a great day -
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Look, it’s bullshit. If you view the economy as a zero sum game, then income inequality means something to you, but if you believe that you are responsible for your outcome, then you could give a rip. I realize this is probably too complicated for many people to understand because they are fed by jealousy and resentment. They want, free from labor, the fruits of yours. This needs and must be countered very quickly, and the only way that I have been able to do it is by picking out a different bogey man for the LIVs.
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It’s the government, stoopid. They have become the new aristocracy in which presumed presidents, gleefully report that they haven’t driven a car for 20 years–we’ve been paying for that. Where first ladies spend hundreds of millions of dollars of your money to take their children on vacation. Where once great institutions have been subjugated to voodoo science, and the good, honest people who work at NASA have a new mission–to fight CO2 molecules.
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The point, if I even have one, is that if we’re going to be constantly reminded that a government job is ‘service,’ then for those who choose to be in charge of it, there should be consequences not perks. If you want to be president, you should come to grips with the possibility that your kids might not get to go on spring break. Or that you won’t be able to just eat your waffle. Or that you don’t need an aide to an advisor to the attaché to the undersecretary to get your dry cleaning. It’s all just so completely unnecessary. I’m convinced that much of the bureaucracy is in place only to feed the vanity of those who presume to lead it.
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Maybe this chart will sum it up better than my rambling, gif free post.
You’ll accept minimal content…
You’ll get selfies.
And really, isn’t this the story of Obama?
So, I managed to hack a few Hostage cell phones. Let’s take a peek, shall we?
MJ
Scott
Laura
Hotspur
Dave in Texas
Last, but not least, Cyn
Well, that was fun. I’m sure punishment will be swift, brutal and merciless. That’s ok. Worth it. Lots more hacked pics floating around, maybe we’ll do this again.
