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Big Boob Friday

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Hello, and welcome to another addition of Big Boob Friday.

Redheads, boobs, and girls in glasses make me happy happy happy . Sometimes music does, too.

 

If I could be serious for a moment, I want you guys to know that driving the boob bus on Fridays is the best job ever.

Your model for today was born in Columbia, South Carolina on January 23rd, 1992. At 5’1″ and 105 pounds, she measures 32-27-35 and wears a sporty GG cup which I’m guessing stands for great god almighty look at those things. Please stop gerrymandering your district long enough to welcome Miss Tessa Fowler!

Tessa Fowler

Doesn’t she look sweet?

*NSFW Audio she says teh eff word*

I THINK I MIGHT BE IN LOVE HERE.

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Filed under: alcohol, American Hero, ann coulter, asshole, bacon, Balls, BBF, bbq, Boobs, BOOP!, Booze, Drinking heavily, Ed Balls, ember shoes, fat chicks, Floyd, fucking genius, Hostages Legal Aid, I Love You Peeps, I Will Kick Your Ass, I'm 7 Indians, Like you know how to read., Literature, mesadick, Microvag, No Drama, Old Person, paris hilton whore, Peace Through Douche, racist, redhead, shut your whore mouth, slut, Tards, Tastes More Like Regular, Those Who Serve, Totally Nude, weiner, whiskey, wisermeany, YOU WISH

Sunday Funday

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For those of you now enjoying the many blessing of church or a massive hangover…Cyn is hiring?

Minion Ad

 

 

funny-gif7

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I’m thinking of having cards made with this statement:

10175026_792622214158817_7615770627713733539_n


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Notice how scared Bill is in this picture, he’s thinking, “Damn, if that lady up there wins, no poontang for Billy the Kid till 2016.”  Now we’re talking 2024 until he gets a little lovin’. He knows his next, and possibly last, 8 years will be sexless. Is he willing to let that happen? No way. Billy the Kid, must ride!!!! Also note how the Spanxsuit pushes the extra gelatinous goo down to the ankle, thus creating the cankle.

hillaryclintonlegsonly

 

 

 


Filed under: American Hero, Dan's Pickled Nutsack, Foreignotica, funny, I Love You Peeps, Pink Floyd, shut your whore mouth, This is why I shouldn't watch movies I haven't seen in years., Vaseline Kiss, You Make Me Feel Like Dancing, You're gonna love my nuts, Your mom likes this

Seis de Mayo!

BBF With Panache

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Welcome nose-whistlers, mouth-breathers, and Cyn, to a shiny new BBF poat.  Somewhere, a search engine server has burst into flames. because my search key-words have included Leonard Nimoy, ear hole, and fat tits.  Rest assured the crack research team for BBF is still on crack.  And never ever use those terms for searching content.  Ever.

Today’s music selection is of the smooth variety. Somebody needs to bring a little class to this fucked up party. Don’t tell Wiser, but I think this might be a cover.

Now that you’ve got your groove on allow me to introduce today’s model. From
Merry Olde England
, give a warm welcome to Shay Brown. 5′ 5″ and a svelte
120 lbs. her NHS ID number is 34C 25 35.

shayb

Put your hands down. You can ask questions later. Homework first.

1671 Captain Blood steals the Crown Jewels.

1789 George Washington‘s inaugural ball. Ben Franklin may have been there too.

1937 Hindenburg exlpodes. Sea cows hardest hit.

1945 marks VE Day. It’s far more celebratory than VD Day.

1963 Sean Connery stars as James Bond in Dr. No. Mangos become inexplicably popular.

1984 Soviets boycott the Olympics. Good.

1994 Chunnel opened. No, not that one.

Birthdays today include:

Billy Joel (Didn’t die young)

Rosario Dawson (The machine gun leg is fake)

Murphy Brown (Still cancelled)

Ezra Klein (Mildly retarded)

Now for Q and A:

7413377_230710_shayuk2

shayred

smokingshay

For the record, your mom approves this poat.

yourmom


Filed under: BANGLAR!, BBF, Belly Button Micro Penis, Chubs, Don't Talk Shit About Total, Drunken SeaHorse Blogging, fat chicks, fucking genius, Hosefuckers, I Love You Peeps, Lesbians, Man-lesbians, POON!, shut your whore mouth, Totally Nude, Vaseline Kiss, You're gonna love my nuts, Your mom likes this

Gojirra

Now Get Out There and Do Me Proud!

Car Review Tuesday

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I admit I have been a slacker and have not posted in 45 years or so. I also admit no one comes to the hostages looking for car reviews. It is something that interested me, and I thought I would give my opinion. Carry on with all the usual silliness in the comments, and completely ignore the content. It is expected without question here.

Last week I rented a 2013 Challenger R/T. It looked a lot like this:

DSC_1187

Taken from my hotel room

I arrived in Tampa in a thunderstorm. I adjusted my mirrors and spent 5 minutes familiarizing myself with the switches, etc.  The exit from TIA to St. Petersburg is a10 mile long twisting urban highway. In the pouring rain, the car telegraphed its intentions and made it abundantly clear what was going to happen if I kept it up. 1/2 a dozen times I felt the front end squirming saying slow down I am about to hydroplane! This could have been the traction control intervening for me. It was im initial drive and I took it at the default settings. Part of the problem with this was it defaults to Econo mode, meaning that 60 mph is loafing at 1700 RPM. I constantly found myself doing 80. (around 2300 RPM) Obviously 80 in a downpour is rather pushing it.

 

Metal Flake

Metal Flake

I found the color very intriguing, it was chameleon like in color almost black at times, but reflecting the blue sky at others, changing from smokey blue to silver, to white, and back to black again.

The reason I rented the car was because my brother had a 70 Challenger R/T with a 383 in it. I wanted to compare my memory with the current version. I think Chrysler nailed it in the looks department and it brought back many fond memories of my teen age years.

That said the visibility is atrocious. Forward, backward, sideways, and vertically, you are wanting in every direction.  I hit my head on the roof line every time I entered or exited the car. I am only 5′-10″. Red at 5′-5″ had no problems.  Looking out the front, the seat was too high. My eyes were level with the visor at the roof line. Every traffic light I had to duck and crane my neck to see the light. Proportionally, the mirror took up 25% of the available limited forward view.

Can you say blind spot?

Can you say blind spot?

The side mirrors gave just the same visibility as I remembered with my Charger and my brothers Challenger, which was a blind spot as big as a house. If Chrysler wanted to fix these problems, it should be simple to add a back up camera, and blind spot sensors. I don’t know how hard it would be to lower the seat, but those are the first 3 things I would do if I owned one.

Ok, on to the fun stuff. I found the car surprisingly nimble, the speed sensitive steering was glaringly hard when at parking speeds, and twitchy at first at high speeds. I quickly grew used to it except when parking at creeping low speeds. The chassis was rock solid and confidence inspiring.

DSC_1188

DSC_1189DSC_1192

Here is the real reason I wanted to test drive the beast. I wanted to compare the 375hp Hemi to my 375 h 440 MagnumDSC_1196This is awesome! Yes I could not see a thing, it was like driving in a burka, but no matter how many times I hit my head, how many times a car came out of nowhere, this thing screamed. Turning the traction control off, I could bark the tires going into 2nd gear. Of course I could break them loose from a stop at will. I did not try to time it other than to say 0-60 time was OMG!!!!!

Something I found odd was every time I barked the tires shifting from 2-3 it fishtailed to the right slightly, then back to the left. Leading me to conclude the traction control was still working, just not as aggressively. These are only observations and speculations, I have been out of car geek minutia for decades. Logically engine torque is one way, if a car is going to fishtail it should be in the direction of torque, not torque and anti torque. My brother who is a certified master mechanic speculated on a smart differential or a balanced one. I have no idea.

Every time I drove it I was grinning from ear to ear like a nutter. Next time I will try to drive a SRT version.

In conclusion, the Challenger is a flawed car, not fatally flawed. It could be fixed with 3 simple readily available fixes for under $4000. Would I buy one? in a heartbeat. I however do not think most people would spend  $35,000 on a car that needs fixing

 


Filed under: #H2, bacon, BADASSDOM, BANGLAR After Action Report!, Heavy Metal Thunder, I Love You Peeps, Learn some shit, personal junk, police involvement, redhead, The More You Know

HHD

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Good morning, and welcome to another edition of Hunky Hump Day. The TITS meetup reminded me of why conservative women have more fun. Who would you rather hang out with – Hostages or this guy?
barista2
I suppose if you wanted makeup tips and where to find organically- grown free-trade cinnamon for your mocha grande lattechino, that would be fine.
Give me A-10 stories, calculus classes, ogling over Lipstick’s surreptitious photos, Tushar saying, “Rosetta, you bahstahd!”, sunburned chests, wonderfully protective bodyguards between Chad and me, and someone who played the “XBrad” card any day. Since I can’t post from the Meat Locker, these will have to do.
Some music first.

Conservative star Gary Sinise.
gary sinise

Adam Baldwin flames ‘em on Twitter. Anyone who comes up with “The Sharts” for #OccupyBandNames belongs in a Hostage poat.
adam baldwin2
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson endorsed George W. Bush in 2000 and in 2004.
DwayneJohnson300px
Bruce Willis, who endorsed both Bushes.
bruce_willis_pictures_01
Clint Eastwood. Good Lord, he was right about the empty chair. Damn.
clint-eastwood
Tom Selleck. Board member of the NRA.
tom-selleck-shirt-open
That’ll do for now. Thank you for your attention, and y’all have a good day.


Filed under: beefcake, High Society Trash Bloggin', Hunks, Hunky Hump Day, I Love You Peeps, Man-Lesbian, Politics, racist, Say "What" Again, Space pens, STFU, stupid fucking hippies, You're a douchenozzle for playing the Rosetta card, Your mom likes this, ZOMFG!!11ty!

We Remember

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911 we remember

And shall never forget. Never.

9 11 firefighters flag

 

Our families expand and contract, we make new friends while others drift off, holidays come and go. This day, 13 years ago, means something different for each of us. But for a brief moment, we were one in our horror, our incredulity, our mourning; for what had happened, and for what we knew as a way of our existence, all of our existences: gone.

Life goes on, it must; life insists upon this. So while we take a moment to remember where we were or what we were doing that morning; a moment to remember those in the towers and on the ground; the innocent passengers on the planes; and all the emergency personnel who so bravely sought to save as many as they could… let us also never forget the greatness of this country and all she stands for. God Bless Our Great Nation – God Bless America.

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[Update: Cyn, because... you know...]

mini thor (thank you TiFW!)

mini thor
(thank you TiFW!)


Filed under: I Love You Peeps

MMM 141: what’s done is done

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Last week with an office. I don’t know if that will change anytime soon, but it’s true for the foreseeable future.

I’m contemplating making them cookies or something.

Pupster sent this along, I liked it.
backman

Pink kettlebells must sell well in some places. I might buy them used on the cheap. Maybe.
tumblr_ml3ajpFJcR1r9wdo0o1_500
I think this is a repeat. Don’t care, she’s pretty.
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Arm veined possible lesbians.
tumblr_n7stf1il0D1rangyao1_1280
Hand veins.
tumblr_na3jx04k321tqsgtko1_500
Cuteness.
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Scorpion pose?
tumblr_nb2vvpALNV1s005zqo1_500
I’m going to be missing sunny days like this very soon.
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Spinal erectors.
tumblr_nbry3bEN1t1trtd1ao1_400
Quadruplets.
tumblr_nc0rctTjyC1tx49eko1_1280
And another long week begins. Fortitude, my friends, fortitude.


Filed under: As Little as Possible, Balls, Beauty Personified, Citrus Ursine Weiner Beverage, FUCK YOU ICE, fucking genius, General Bitching, homophobe, I Love You Peeps, I Will Kick Your Ass, Lemon Bear Dick Punch, Lesbians, misogyny, POON!, pron, racist, redhead, right wing rethuglican, Say "What" Again, She-Meat, shut your whore mouth, Sodium Chloride Fornication, Someone needs a sandwich, TurtleFacePlant, you might be gay if you like this, YOU WISH, You're gonna love my nuts

Election Day

Merry Christmas

Happy

Wire Alarm

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Meanwhile, south of the boarder we find Edgar Argaez making art happen.

Region capture 44

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Argaez hails from Monterrey.

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(artist not pictured)

 

He has a standing gig called Pimp My Ruins.

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Wiser, please to pick me up a PMR shirt or maybe a sundial at the gift shop?

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Argaez is very current so you might see some of his work around.

Region capture 39

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Thanks for viewing.

Have a Wonderful Day.


Filed under: almond, Birthday Cake, cashew, Don't Talk Shit About Total, I feel like chicken tonight., I Love You Peeps, I Will Kick Your Ass

HHD

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Good morning, and welcome to another edition of Hunky Hump Day. Let’s get it started.

I was all set to put more effort into this week’s HHD to make up for last week, when Beasn went and gave me all the poat fodder I needed. Thank you, ma’am. This week’s hunks are courtesy of the Charleston, SC firefighters and their calendar fundraiser to help abused and abandoned animals. Hubba hubba!

fireman1

So my apologies for the watermarks, but we really should buy the calendar or hit the tip jar.
fireman2
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fireman3
No idea why they are wearing kilts. Nice shoulders.
fireman4
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fireman6
Last but not least.
fireman5
Beasn is awesome. Thank you for your attention, and y’all have a good day.


Filed under: As Little as Possible, BADASSDOM, BANGLAR!, beefcake, Bunker Pants!, Canine, Fire melt steel mantra, Hunks, Hunky Hump Day, I Love You Peeps, rhymes with "your mom", Say "What" Again, Space pens, STFU, Your mom likes this, ZOMFG!!11ty!

Sunday Night Music

HHD

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Good morning, and welcome to another edition of Hunky Hump Day. Stop hiding the bodies long enough to have some coffee and make fun of my selections.
Rocketboy introduced Mini-me and me to RWBY, a pretty entertaining anime series with some kick-ass music.

Now let’s see what’s in the hunky folder for today.
classic

pecs
Speaking of coffee…
bed and coffee
A little too much “whut?” but otherwise nice.
truck1
Gotta go see Civil War soon.
chris evans2
Thank you for your attention, and y’all have a good day.


Filed under: As Little as Possible, beefcake, Hunks, Hunky Hump Day, I Love You Peeps, rhymes with "your mom", Say "What" Again, Someone needs a sandwich, Space pens, Stetson (for men), STFU, Your mom likes this, ZOMFG!!11ty!

MMM 231: Independence

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So, there were some neat parallels between July 4 1776 and June 23, 2016.  Both times, it was a big group of Englishmen (primarily) who wanted out from under the thumb of a distant, oppressive, unaccountable government.  Both times, the last straw might have been tea. Look, I’m going to warn the rest of you earthlings for the last time: do NOT get between a Briton and his beverage of choice. We burn continents, destroy empires, and generally make a big mess of things over this stuff. Yoo-rope should be thankful that they just walked out this time. You fools ought to be hiding under the table and counting quietly to 100 hoping they won’t come back and torch the place.

Anyhow, I’d like to think that we good folk descended in part from the best and brightest the Iles had to offer the world a few centuries back might have had something to do with it. Showed ’em how, as it were. Now, we should probably talk about orthodontia and rhoticity at some point, but it can wait until after you’ve got a decent Prime Minister, and possibly until after we’ve shed the Muslim Brotherhood plant from our white house. In the meantime, I wish you folks the best of luck making Britain great again, and I hope you’ll take a little bit of joy watching us celebrate what we won for ourselves so long ago, and perhaps feel just a bit more kinship than in years past.

Also, stay tuned for #TEXIT, #AKEXIT, and possibly #QUEBEXIT.

I thought about trying to find patriotic fit girls, but that seemed like work and I’m on vacation. Also I looked and there aren’t a ton of images just waiting to be poached.

So, a dancer first.

tumblr_m8gbbw3Yxh1qjdzu0o1_500

Then some tiny shorts.

tumblr_mawuibgKUf1rb88tdo1_500

And a little ribbon work.

tumblr_mbl7vnRmQM1qfjqrdo1_500

Um, can I pass under or do you just want me to wait?

tumblr_mcsv0ahX5i1qhb1mso1_500

Quads.

tumblr_md85stVJ6L1r9wdo0o1_500

Pretty smile.

tumblr_mdfbueJn3r1rpfztqo1_1280

Rockin’ out.

tumblr_mdzpsrOdEX1qd1n1bo1_1280

Hangin’ around.

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Slightly dull affect, maybe?

tumblr_mfd2xnNm9b1qdqxc1o1_500

That much eyeshadow is going to run like a river if you sweat at all, darling.

tumblr_mi4mmw8in91qd1n1bo1_1280

Meanwhile, at Zumba…

tumblr_mjunxndb501qdjo2ho1_500

Happy Independence Day, everyone.  Enjoy freedom until it’s time to win it back again.


Filed under: #Problematic, Balls, barely passable trannies, Beauty Personified, Emily's Dull Affect, fat chicks, Holidays, homophobe, I am judging you, I Love You Peeps, I'm not judging you, Lesbians, misogyny, open your chaste mouth, pelvic thrust, POON!, pron, racist, rape culture, She-Meat, transphobe, wing nut wingnut, you might be gay if you like this, YOU WISH, You're gonna love my nuts, Zzyzx

HHD

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Good morning, and welcome to another edition of Hunky Hump Day. A little bit of escapism is needed for today, I think.

Let’s see some hunks.
Mike Rowe. One man trying to change things for the better, and I have a lot of respect for that.
mike rowe flag

Alexander Skarsgård

Hugh Jackman
jackman
I need a boat drink.
Beach Hunk
Wish I could have found a larger version of this pic.
shirt unbuttoned
And a star from Bollywood whose name I didn’t save, sorry.
bolly1
That oughta do it. Thank you for your attention, and y’all have a good day.


Filed under: As Little as Possible, BANGLAR!, Hunks, Hunky Hump Day, I Love You Peeps, Say "What" Again, Someone needs a sandwich, Space pens, Stetson (for men), STFU, Your mom likes this, ZOMFG!!11ty!

Worst Secret Santa Gifts Evah

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We’re entering one of the most wonderful times of the year in a Hostage’s life: Secreting Santa Time! In addition to the thrill of giving we also get the pleasure of receiving (SYWM). First, a little Christmas music to set the mood.

The only fruitcake I like is made from my Irish grandmother’s recipe (sort of like this one: http://www.dochara.com/the-irish/irish-christmas/traditional-irish-christmas-cake/ ) which she probably copied from a magazine or cookbook somewhere. It’s a production involving wax paper, a tube pan and wrapping the pan with brown paper secured with twine. And that’s just the pan!

Fruitcake of the Month Club

Vintage teapot/chamber pot

Figurine you really can’t display anywhere

Tasteless mugs!

Bathroom set to show your love for St. Nick

And, since it’s Thursday, this little number

I’m sure I left a few out. How about you guys? Any awesome SS gifts you can think of to boldly gift where no Hostage has gifted before?


Filed under: 9/11 Bush's fault, As Little as Possible, Breitbart, dicking bimbos, Don't Talk Shit About Total, FUCK SALT!!!, I Love You Peeps, I Will Kick Your Ass, Lobster Thermidor, My safe contains your mom, police involvement, Sac and Fox, supersonic faggotronic, Tinfoil lingerie, You People Make Me Sick, You're a douchenozzle for playing the Rosetta card, Z - we don't have a Z Tagged: cats, Chicken, gun control, Revival, time
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